Ode to a Snide
The ode has found its way to me following the launch of this site, the author will remain nameless, as will the person making the donation.
The story behind the ode is as follows:
APPARENTLY....there was a revelation two serving Bermuda officers were having a homosexual relationship and co-habiting (probably a breach of some law or Force Standing Instruction). However, no formal action was taken (quite rightly, all to their own consenting practices).
However, one of those 'outed' subsequently submitted his own report complaining about a fellow officer who was on sick leave. The sick officer was seen, after 9pm, in a public house. Why was the officer sick? He had required seven stitches in his nose following an injury on duty i.e. he was assaulted. Why submit a complaint about a fellow officer, just what did it achieve?
Discipline being such as it is in Bermuda, the officer on sick leave found himself paraded before a discipline board who, thankfully, had the common sense to find him "not guilty". You ask yourself why these matters, in a miniscule force where you practically know everyone's first name, ever 'go the distance'. Ours is not to reason why ....
The ode sprang from the above events and was promptly displayed throughout the Island's police offices some years ago:
Ode to a snide
A BOBBYS LIFE IS A DIFFICULT ONE,
IN BERMUDA THERE'S SELDOM MUCH CHEER.
THERE'S COPS WHO ARE GOOD GUYS, COPS WHO ARE BAD,
BUT A COP WHO'S MALICIOUS AND QUEER.
NOW I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, TO BE A GOOD COP,
YOU'D BE TRUSTWORTHY, LOYAL AND TOUGH,
SO IMAGINE MY SHOCK, WHEN I FOUND OUT,
THAT A COLLEAGUE OF MINE WAS A PUFF!
TO REPORT ON A COLLEAGUE IN THIS FURTIVE WAY,
WHAT DOES HE FEEL HE HAS ACHIEVED?
HE'S SOLD OUT HIS WORKMATES, HE'S TRUSTED NO MORE,
A MODERN DAY BRUTUS INDEED.
MORALE ISN'T LOW... IT DOESN'T EXIST,
WE'VE DUTIES AS BORING AS HELL.
AN UNGRATEFUL PUBLIC, A LUNATIC BOSS,
NOW TREACHEROUS P.C'S AS WELL.
NOW I COULD TELL TALES TO THE POWERS THAT BE,
ABOUT OUR EFFEMINATE CHUM.
HE CHASED ME ROUND OPS ONCE, TRYING TO PLANT
A BIG GIRLIE KISS ON MY BUM.'
AND ONCE HE WAS JAILER WHEN A PRISONER CAME IN,
LOCKED UP FOR NOT PAYING FINES.
HE HANDCUFFED THIS GUY AND SPREAD OPEN HIS LEGS
THEN STRIP SEARCHED HIM ..... 23 TIMES.
SO WHAT CAN WE DO BOYS TO AVENGE THIS FOUL DEED?
HOW DO YOU HIT BACK AT A QUEEN?
"HIDE HIS HANDBAG" I HEAR SOME OF YOU SAY,
OR "PUT SAND IN HIS FRIEND'S VASELINE".
"BE CAREFUL" I SAY TO BROTHER OFFICERS HERE,
ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE NEW.
TAKE HEED OF THIS VERSE AND ALWAYS BEWARE OF
GAY JUDAS ISCARIOTS IN BLUE.
YOU SEE HOMOS ARE NOT A BIG HANG UP OF MINE,
NOT ONE OF MY BIGGER PET HATES,
BUT I REALLY GET MAD WHEN ONE OF THEIR KIND
STITCHES UP ONE OF MY MATES.
SO BEFORE YOU PUT PEN TO PAPER AGAIN
AND TRY AND PULL ANOTHER SNIDE TRICK.
JUST BEAR IN MIND IT IS I WHO POSSESS
THE MOST POWERFUL NIB AT THIS NICK.
P.C.OO1. S. HADOW
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