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Shark attacks continue to plague Birmuda.

The fifth attack reported in two days and Birmudians are staying away from the water; all but one who we met and provided us this exclusive interview:

Coco D Clown was always afraid of the water and would never venture out of his depth until one day he saw his best friend dragged out to sea by a shark ... "I don't know what came over me, probably a wave, but I just had to swim after him" explained Coco. "By the time I reached my mate, it was too late, he'd lost his nuts to a spanner-head shark".

"From that day forward I vowed to show the water less respect and brave the depths.  When not studying my entertainment art I would swim further and further from the shore, pushing my luck.  Then one day I fell prey to a great-shite shark that took a big bite out of my arse.  I expected to be swallowed whole, but it just spat me out and swam away".

We spoke with shark expect, Jacques Clueso, who believed he had uncovered the reason the shark had let Coco live, "Clowns probably taste funny".

Whilst the shark attacks continue around Birmuda, Coco continues to take advantage of the desolate beaches, "I'm a normal balanced guy.  Being a clown gives me the opportunity to bring pleasure to the local kids.  But as the country's police chief, I get the chance to see them locked up when they get older".  

We asked Coco whether he had any advice for visitors to the country ...

"If you like drugs, stay away; they're too damn expensive here.  Shut yourself in a bedroom, take a couple of tablets and enjoy the 'trip' in the comfort of your own home".

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