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Symptom :Drinking fails to give satisfaction; shirt front is wet.

Solution: PANIC !!!!

Good Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Women

You can enjoy a beer all month long.

Beer stains wash out.

Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play rugby.

When your beer goes flat you toss it out.

A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

Hangovers go away.

Beer labels come off without a fight.

When you go to a bar - you know you can always pick up a beer.

After you have had a beer - the bottle may be worth something.

A beer wont get upset if you come home and have another beer.

If you pour a beer right - you'll always get good head.

A beer always goes down easy.

You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.

You can share a beer with your friends.

You always know, you're the first one to pop a beer.

Beer is always wet.

Beer doesn't demand equality.

Beer doesn't care when you come.

A frigid beer is a good beer.

You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

                    If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony.

SOCIAL DISCLAIMER

Please be aware I am a professional drinker and take the subject seriously.

Whilst under no obligation to place make you aware of the following, I do so out of courtesy and reasonableness.

I may appear to be; obnoxious, arrogant, loud, self-opinionated, crass, repulsive, depraved, disgusting, nauseating, despicable, foul, vulgar, contemptible and / or ignominious.

However, I will not actually be / commit any of the above. My apparent commission of the above is a failure on your part to understand my; attitude, humour, bodily functions, attire, actions and / or associates.

It is therefore, you who are at fault for ignoring this notice and failing to appreciate me.

Having notified you of the above I am relieved of any liability associated with my words, conduct or behaviour.

In the event you have reason to complain (either personally or to a third party), or use force toward me (either personally or by the involvement of a third party, directly of indirectly, responding to your reaction), I will have grounds to recover all associated costs, including consequential loss.

Be aware I am a sensitive person. In the event I am the subject of either a verbal or physical assault (or the threat of the latter) this may result in my;

1. consuming more alcohol (a cost directly attributable to and recoverable from you)

2. developing liver problems / gout / depression

3. requiring counselling (almost certainly in Harley Street, London).

Should I be diagnosed an alcoholic, I will be seeking costs in relation to maintaining my habit.

To avoid any subsequent symptoms of guilt you may be capable of feeling, you would therefore be well advised to listen attentively to what I say, agree with everything and do precisely as you are told. If you are incapable of this, I would suggest you

(your loss)

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