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March 2002

Exam Questions

Following the increase in juvenile crime, the Birmuda Real Gazette was not surprised that the following questions appeared in this years mock examination:

NAME _________________________

NICK-NAME ____________________

GANG NAME ____________________

1. Lloyd has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an ounce to Dexter for $2500 and 90 grams to Leroy for $125 a half gram, what is the street value of the rest of his stash?

2. Anton pimps 3 whores. If the price is $40 a ride, how many rides per day must each whore perform to supportAnton's $500 a day crack habit?

3. Winston wants to cut the 3 ounces of cocaine he bought for $7,000, to make a 20% profit. How many grams of adulterant will he need?

4. Sinclair got 6 years for murder. He also got $50,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends $3,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out, assuming he receives a 33% reduction in sentence for good behaviour?

Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Sinclair get for killing the slapper that spent his money?

 5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the average letter is 1 square meter, how many letters can be sprayed with an average can of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?

 6. Lennie steals Carlton's skateboard. As Lennie skates away at a speed of 35mph, Carlton loads his brother's armalite. If it takes Carlton 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Lennie have travelled when he gets whacked?

February 2002

Keep 'em in the dark we say ...

A Government backbencher drew the wrath of Minister of Labour and Home Affairs after he released immigration statistics in the House of Assembly.  It was revealed that out of the 1,200 jobs which had been advertised by employers last year, only 75 Birmudians applied for the positions.

It is unclear whether the Government backbencher will be disciplined for disclosing the truth or for misleading the House;  www.Birmuda.com has learned that it was actually one Birmudian who had applied for jobs 75 times.

The Minister was reported as saying that although he could not comment on the accuracy of the information he was “disappointed” the backbencher chose to disclose “confidential” facts and figures in the House; Birmudians could have substantial difficulty coping with numbers over 50 and the ‘mushroom policy’ should have been applied; the public was to be kept in the dark and fed manure.

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